I am a Christian, strongly committed to my Savior and my faith. I start every day with devotions. I attend a weekly Bible study. I pray. I watch the livestream of services every Sunday morning. But I haven't been to an actual church in over two years.
I think this phenomena started many years ago, when I adopted my boys.
I had gone to the same church since I moved to Denver in 1981. I liked the church a lot. I was a Sunday School teacher, a youth group leader, and a deacon. But my boys were African American. And 99% of the people at my church were Anglo. I wanted my boys to see people who looked like them at church. And so I changed churches.
Our new church was much more diverse. The pastor is African American. An amazing man of God. A brilliant biblical scholar and teacher. I took my boys, but they never loved it. They didn't want to participate in Sunday School or choir or youth group. I dragged them to church until they were about fifteen, then I finally gave up on making them go.
I kept going to that same church, It's a big church, with lots of different opportunities to participate, but I never really found my niche either. When my mom got sick, seven years ago, I would go to the 8:00 service, then dash off to spend the day with my mom. And then came COVID. And everyone was going to church online. I "attended" the online service faithfully every week.
The church reopened live services about a year ago, I think, but I'm still watching online. I'm not sure why. It doesn't have anything to do with COVID. I'm not afraid of going. Every week I tell myself I will go to the in person the next week. But I don't go. I'm not sure why.
But I haven't been in a church building in more than two years....