Monday, March 4, 2013

Slice of Life #4- Drafting a personal ad

I'm about four months from being an empty nester. And for the past ten, or maybe twenty-five years, my love life has been put on hold. But lately, I've been thinking that maybe I should do something about that. So I've been visiting some of those dating websites. Just to kind of get a taste for them.

As I understand it, you have to write some kind of a description of yourself. And include a few pictures. My school had a spirit week last week, and I have two that I think would be absolutely perfect. In one, I'm wearing my pajamas d have crazy hair, in the other I'm wearing a plaid blouse, flowered pants, two different socks, and two different shoes. Do you think those would work?

Here's what I've got so far:
  • Very short, somewhat chunky, slightly graying, 50 something, seeks friends and companionship (can somewhat please explain the difference between "weight commensurate to height" and "could probably stand to lose a few pounds")? 
  • I love kids. My two are almost grown, but I would have no problem helping you raise yours, on a full or part time basis, or taking in a couple of more that needed a home.
  • I love print. Any kind of print. Books. Magazines. Newspapers. I never met a book (or bookshelf) I didn't like. And there is generally a plethora of paper in my house.
  • I go to church most Sundays. I am one of those weird Christians who think that Christianity is as much about how I live as it is about what I say. Peter is my favorite guy in the Bible. I like him because he made as many mistakes and said as many stupid things as I do. 
  • I love movies. And I am not ashamed to admit that I usually get popcorn (but not the big bucket, just a small, or sometimes a medium, if it's a long movie!)
  • I love the theater. And I always read the biographies in the program.
  • I love Scrabble- electronic or the board kind. Also pretty much any other word game.
  • I love dogs. My dog is part of the the family. She sits on the couch and sleeps on the bed. Someday I want to foster golden retrievers or labs, or raise service dogs.
  • I love beaches. I need to be on a beach several times a year. With a good book.
  • I like to travel. Once I get there. (I try hard not to act as grumpy as I feel when I am in airports, and people are asking me to juggle my ticket and my driver's license and my carry on and open my computer  and take off my shoes all at the same time).
  • I like pretty much any kind of museums.
  • I like sporting events, but I am just as happy paying $5 to attend a high school event as $105 to attend a professional event. If you are a coach or high school teacher, or have kids that do sports, I would be more than happy to support your team.
  • I love amusement parks and water parks and pretty much any place where adults are allowed to play. 
  • I love art and want to take a water color class some day.
  • I love cooking classes, but mostly the last part, where you eat.
  • I am not a cook. The thing I make best is reservations. No, that's not entirely true, because I actually am much more prone to go to a hole in the wall place for burgers, or Mexican food, than to a fancy place that requires reservations.  
  • I don't mind going to the grocery store. Or cleaning up the kitchen after someone else cooks.
  • I am not a domestic goddess. I do not like housework, and would definitely pay someone to do mine if I could afford it.
  • I do not belong to a gym, nor do I go to one. I do walk my dog every day. And I love to swim.
  • I don't do horoscopes or Tarot cards. But I do like fortune cookies. 
  • I like day hikes. But not super long ones. And preferably with a hot tub and a bottle of wine or a margarita at the end.
  • I like camping. But mostly in motels.
  • I lose my keys, and sometimes other things, on a fairly regular (daily?) basis. 
  • I regularly embarrass my sons by initiating conversations with random children in public places (e.g. the grocery store, the airport). I especially like to inquire as to what they are reading.
  • I do not mind going dancing, but I am not musically inclined, nor am I even the teeniest bit coordinated.  
  • I cannot carry a tune in a bushel basket. In fact, people sometimes pay me NOT to sing in public places. 
  • I do not want to rock climb (I think it would hurt a lot if I fell).
  • I do not want to ride on the back of a motorcycle (or ride my own motorcycle, either, for that matter!)
  • I do not want to play on a volleyball, dodgeball, or softball team. I am an excellent cheerer if you want to do any of those things. 
  • I do not want to fish (although I am not opposed to taking a book and sitting on a river bank while you fish).
  • I also do not want to hunt. Hunting involves too much blood.And unlike fishing, I am unwilling to sit and wait and watch you. I also do not want to go to a shooting range.
OK, there's my first draft. I'm open to suggestions!


    Michelle said...

    Oh, Carol! You crack me up! This is quite an extensive list that shares a lot about you . . . but maybe you want "the one" to figure some things out on his own! :) I will say that I learned so much more about you too!

    I share many of the same qualities: love books, the beach, can't cook, don't like to clean, camp in motels . . .

    Best of luck as you narrow down your description of yourself! :)

    Katherine Sokolowski said...

    Love it - especially this one:

    I like camping. But mostly in motels.

    Made me smile. :) Good luck!

    Beverley Baird said...

    may be a wee bit long for a personal ad - but love what I learned about you! What a lot we have in common!We'll have to sharte noters!
    i actually met my present husband on line - through ICQ. We married at 50 and have been married almost 11 years! yes, it can work.
    If you're interested here is a link to our love story, which I posted through JRU Studios on Feb. 6 - it was fun writing it and remembering.

    Linda B said...

    Sounds like a truly interesting person to me, Carol. And I love the idea of the picture with the flowery pants! Serious or not, you are certainly not boring!

    Nanc said...

    I am going to be on the look out...or I will have my son (Denver Jeff) be on the look out for someone who wants to be with a compassionate person who has her priorities in exactly the correct order. Cooking is definitely overrated, if you ask me, Carol, you are good to go and God in his loving masterful plan will keep you in the palm of his hand. Remember only to meet on the first date at the Tattered Cover, okay? xo

    Anonymous said...

    Um, I think you might want to shorten it!!! Ha ha!

    Quite humorous and very honest!

    I always laugh at the photos of the men...they tend to fall into a pattern. Man with dog, man cuts out ex, man on bike, man in front of mirror with camera, man with shades on, man in car, etc.

    Penny Jansen said...

    I think I knew most of this about you! We made great room mates.
    There is the right companion out there and I think this is prefect!

    Mary Lee said...

    A. Based on what little I've seen of one of those dating sites, your pictures sound perfect.

    B. Leave those last few out. Don't even open the door to being someone to be taken along on something the other likes to do.

    C. He/they don't know what they're missing. You're an amazing future partner!

    Carol said...

    Thanks for all your comments! I'm not really going to post this anywhere. I was just playing. I Somehow, I got on the email list for one of those computer dating sites. Every morning they send me 8 profiles of men who supposedly match me anywhere from 88% to 100% perfectly. Sometimes I look at them, just out of curiosity. (You have to pay to actually respond to them. And that isn't happening!) Yesterday morning, I looked at my email, with one of those perfectly matched letters, and then went to my blog to write my slice. I knew I was going out last night and had to get something written in the morning. I'm having a hard time thinking of Slices right now. I was just being silly and wrote this one.

    Karen said...

    I loved this!!! Silly or not, this is a huge insight into you, and it made me wish we lived closer together. We have so many mutual interests -- that's what I love about this SOLC -- it really gives the reader a peek behind the curtain into each one of our lives.