Saturday, November 2, 2013


I'm celebrating plans
that I cannot yet see. 

It's been kind of a hard time.

For the past ten years
my life has revolved around my boys.
 Homework. Chauffeuring. Cooking. Laundry.
Sports practices. Games. Tournaments. 
Crazy busy.
But I loved it. 

But now the boys are gone.
And life feels way too empty.
It's not that I'm not busy.
The workload at school is crushing 
I could spend every waking hour
Responding to student writing and entering data
and helping teachers plan.

But I know there has to be more than work
And I'm trying to remember 
what I used to do
and who I used to be
Before I was a mother.

I know it would be easy to jump right in.
Take a class in knitting or water colors.  
Teach Sunday School.
Do volunteer work with Young Life. 
Hook up with an organization that does service or rescue dogs. 
I could pursue an entirely different direction with my career.
I could try online dating
(maybe if I was just a little braver).
I could start over with foster care.

I'm trying though,
not to simply to fill
the empty time and space.
I'm trying to be quiet.
And wait for that still small voice.
Listen for direction.
Follow the path
laid out for me.

And it's really hard
to be still

in this season of quiet. 

Today I'm celebrating Plans
that I cannot yet see.

Ruth Ayres started Celebration Saturdays.
Stop by her blog for more stories and celebrations.


elsie said...

I love the whole idea of celebrating plans you can not yet see! You are wise to assess the options of how to fill the time left open by the boys journey into the adult world. I know something meaningful will arise and you will be just what they needed. So celebrate the unknown!

Linda B said...

I believe I'm in kind of a similar place, finding my own path, Carol. You shared the dilemma so well, trying to remember how and who you were before the boys. I loved reading the words, the feelings, the decisions to make, but your patience too. Thanks!

Leigh Anne Eck said...

Carol, this is beautiful. We are close for reaching that "season of quiet." We get glimpses of it now when the kids are both gone for the evening. I do pray that the plans you cannot see will be visible soon and they will fill your life with joy.

Terje said...

This is just incredible - reflective, thoughtful and hopeful.
I believe that you have chosen the right path when trying to be quiet and slowing down, allowing opportunities to come to you instead of chasing them.

Michelle said...

Ah, Carol. Yes, God has a plan. I think your idea of being still in the moment and waiting is what you need to do now. In time, you'll know, but be patient -- it's His time after all. (And that is the hardest part to remember!) Prayers for you.

Holly Mueller said...

Oh gosh - lovely poem with such an important sentiment - celebrating a plan you know is there. I'll be in the same boat next year when my last daughter is off to college.

Cathy said...

I think I am in this same place. I am finding I spend more time with school, but like you I know I need to find other things to fill this newly discovered time,

Loved this:
"And I'm trying to remember
what I used to do
and who I used to be
Before I was a mother."

I will join you in your celebration of plans we cannot yet see.

Mary Lee said...

You are so smart:

"Today I'm celebrating Plans
that I cannot yet see."

Nanc said...

I love that you chose this to write about. This is a season that feels unsettled for me as well. You are wise to be patient, to write and start to try out. Our God is faithful and will direct your path:) xo