Tuesday, January 1, 2013


 So it's January 1, 2013
and many of my friends in the blogosphere
are choosing 
the "one little word"
that will be a life-theme 
for this year.

was a hard year
A year when I doubted myself
as a teacher
a mom
a friend
a human being
again and again and again.
 And a year when I doubted my God
again and again and again.

And now I am trying to choose a word for 2013.

Just one word.
Maybe my word should be Trust?
I want to trust that last year was part of a bigger plan
That all things will work for good.
And that this year will be better.
Maybe trust would be a good word.

Maybe my word should be Hope?
2012 was a hard year for our family
A lot of dreams had to die.
And I am having a hard time believing
that we will regain our footing
that my boys will find their way
grow into the men that God
intends them to be.
Maybe hope would be a good word. 

Maybe my word should be Open. 
The boys are leaving…
I want to be open
To whatever might come.
 As hard as this year has been
I am not sure
that I am ready to be done
having kids at home.
And I wonder
is there another kid out there
in the foster care system
That needs me
as much as I need them.
Maybe open would be a good word.

Maybe my word should be explore.  
This year, I want to explore
a new hobby--
some kind of art-
clay, or collage, or knitting, or watercolor.
I want to explore new volunteer work--
maybe with a agency
that trains service dogs,
or rescues Golden Retrievers or labs.
I want to explore a new kind of physical activity-
maybe go back to swimming, or try water aerobics.
Maybe explore would be a good word. 

So, while I know
that this is January 1st
and I should be ready
to choose a word
right now I can't.

For right now, my word is


Linda B said...

It is a thought-filled poem, with much going on in your life, I see (& know some) so I suspect that it is wise to wait-never a bad idea in my life! Best to you in the new year!

Karen said...

I read this with tears in my eyes. Carol, you write so beautifully from the heart.
You are quite right that one word just doesn't seem to suffice at times to cover where you've been and where you'd like to go. I think all your words were wonderful, but I think WAIT is the right word for now.

Ramona said...

Carol, I loved your poetic thinking about OLW and your decision to Wait for now! Happy New Year as you embark on the many changes this year will bring.

Kyle said...

Carol I too think it is hard to pick just one word. Risk comes to mind, as does commitment. We can create a new word antidatateamdriveninstruction.

Stacey Shubitz said...

Let it come to you, Jen. Reread them on Sunday night and pick one. You've already done a lot of thinking about them so you're on the right track.

Stacey Shubitz said...

Why did I write Jen? OMG. Carol, I'm sorry. It's getting late. Don't mind my typo. Everything I wrote was meant for YOU. My apologies.

JenniferM said...

I love the way you took us through several of your possible words and why you think they would be good for this year! I'm still mulling over words in my mind too, so your poem spoke exactly what I've been feeling. Hope your word finds you soon!

Laura Lynn Benson said...

One word is too small to capture your bigger-than-the-Milky-Way soul, Carol. You can all the words! I know that I think of you when I real all of Paul's words :) xoxoxox Much love xoxoxo