Tuesday, January 29, 2013


 I'm trying to figure out a new me.

The new me
doesn't have to worry about
those breathless I have a late meeting at work
but it's also parent teacher conferences at school
and then there's basketball practice 
and darn it I forgot to get something out of the freezer
how many nights can I justify
feeding my kids fish sticks
or frozen lasagna
kind of days.

The new me
Doesn't drag home 
a bulging teacher bag 
knowing that the first thing on the agenda 
is 25 algebra problems
with a non-algebraic son 
and supervising/assisting/ok sometimes actually building
the diorama of a museum exhibit of a
famous African American poet
who my seventeen-year-old
could care less about
but the project is due in two days
and it's 80% of the English grade for this semester. 

The new me
doesn't have to keep track of practice schedules
driving in circles between home and gyms and fields 
like one of those little cars on a track
at the amusement park
doesn't have to sell
candy bars, coffee cakes,
or raffle tickets
and doesn't spend hours in gyms 
dodging bouncing balls
and engaging in small talk 
while wishing I could just go sit in a corner
with the book that is calling my name.

The new me
doesn't serve on parent boards 
instead of dating
doesn't plan family vacations 
around basketball tournaments
has time to take a Spanish class
or work out at a rec center
or foster dogs 
for the rescue league. 

I'm trying to figure out this new me.
But it's hard
I m not quite ready
to let go
of the life
that old me
has loved.


Nanc said...

I loved that life too...hard to let go, however, you will find it is a process, because they still need you, want you for the rest of their lives. Aren't we lucky that now we can crawl in the corner with a book again? I love the way that you reflect so honestly, it is art. You paint very worthy images. XO

Linda B said...

I guess this is the true definition of bittersweet, right? If only in that 'old you', you could have had one "new you" day, but raising kids just doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Poignant poem, Carol. Best to you in your 'new' living.

elsie said...

The new you will evolve as life changes. Your words are powerful depicting a very busy life, both in school and out. Good luck on this journey to the new you.

Tara @ A Teaching Life said...

The new you still loves the life the life the old you built. You can celebrate that, even as you begin a new chapter in your life, right?!

Karen said...

This is beautifully written, Carol! I miss all those moments as well -- it was an entire identity, my "mom" identity. As Linda said, your poem truly portrays the concept of bittersweet.

Anonymous said...

Give yourself a little time Carol. It is an adjustment, but soon you will fill your time with other things....and soon you will be as busy as you were!

Jaana said...

So many of my thoughts were in your poem. I am also trying to find the new me...

Mary Lee said...

You are YOU, and whatever you can do right at this moment is all you can do, and therefore it is enough.

Celebrate the moments, and let the big picture emerge.

Penny Jansen said...

working on the "new me" too..great poem.