Saturday, March 21, 2015


My boys are gone
but they are everywhere.

I open the front door
expecting to see two big bodies
sitting at the dining room table
side by side
rapping or watching videos.
But the chairs are empty.
My boys are gone
but they are everywhere.

I walk into the kitchen
Mentally making a list
of things we need
from the grocery store.
Almond milk. Mangoes. Cashews.
Sprite. Sour cream and onion potato chips.
I stop myself.
I don't eat any of that.
My boys are gone
but they are everywhere.

I clean the bathroom.
that they shared.
Old Spice. Hair gel. A razor.
Hair in the sink.
My boys are gone
but they are everywhere.

I turn on the television
BET comes on immediately
I hunt for the remote 
and find it 
in the cushions 
of my son's favorite chair
A dirty glass sits next to the chair
My boys are gone
but they are everywhere. 

I open the dryer
and pull out
A pair of boxer shorts.
One basketball sock.
An East High t-shirt.
My boys are gone
but they are everywhere.

I head out into the backyard
and am confronted
by the window
Zay cracked
when he was playing
with a friend's bb gun
and there's a hole in the porch
where Kadeem dropped
the basketball hoop
when he was trying to
stand it upright.
My boys are gone
But they are everywhere.

I miss them.


Jone said...

Carol, I am so thankful you are here writing about this. There is such power in your words. The ending line gets me and I love its repetition. I hope you are finding peace and comfort through writing.

Morgan said...

This post had me wondering about you and your boys. There are lines that make them seem gone with sorrowful permenance, others - like the laundry and the tv - that indicate this is a temporare state of mind.

Nanc said...

I bet you do, my heart is breaking for you. I will continue to pray for you. Dave will pray also. I pray that they will start to listen to someone that is 'good'. My nephew just got out after 6 months. We pray for change, for a job so that he can feel good about work. xo nanc

Samantha said...

Your post reminds me how fast times flies and before I know it my children will be grown and gone. Your piece is full of feeling and emotion.

elsie said...

You will see them even when there are no remnants left lying around. They are firmly in your mind and you see them everywhere. A virtual hug is sent to you.

Unknown said...

My husband and I always joke that he will be curled in the fetal position in the middle of the living room floor while I throw a party the day our daughter leaves for college. But I really do think I'll miss her terribly and see her around the house like you see your boys.

Tara said...

I hear the sadness in the words on the page...and in the words you left out, too. The lines between, as well. I have been thinking so much about you, Carol, and wishing you some ease in this long, hard road.


Oh my.
I didn't plan on crying when I read this.
Your short stanzas with repetition about your boys being gone but they are everywhere. Was SO powerful.
I miss them too.
I miss them with you.
My daughter is moving out at the end of April.
I know I will miss her.
And, she will be everywhere too.

Diane Anderson said...

I feel the longing in your words...not so much for them to be there, but for them to be all right...and to be there sometimes.

Unknown said...

I marvel at your ability to capture all that your boys are to you in your words, your choice of detail painting a picture so vivid of both loss and love.

Judy said...

I hope that writing about them is bringing you some solace. You and the boys continue to be in my prayers.

Amanda Regan said...

I could feel the emptiness your boys left behind. I have two boys of my own and know one day I will miss the way they fill this house. Great poem!

Michelle said...

Hold on to those once annoying but now missing you memories. The repetition of the line "My boys are gone but they are everywhere" provides a powerful picture and feeling. I know this is a hard time for you right now Carol. I know you miss them, but we pray that this is a short-term transition that will get them onto the right path. Thank you for sharing.

Chris said...

I think each time you pick up something they've left behind they are thinking of you as well. Sending virtual hugs!

oicurcrazy2 said...

Carol, you so beautifully wrote my feelings. Every time my home empties out, I wander about with flashes of memory of laughter shared. Sometimes it's painful, but I wouldn't give up the good times! Thanks so much for sharing.


Kim Possible said...

Reading your poetry gives me a "long view" of thinking about my sun as he grows. He's nearly 10-months now, but the time goes so fast. I just love your writing. Thank you.

Lori said...

I just read a number of your slices. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. Your writing is so beautiful. I'm so sorry your boys have wandered away from their center. I will pray for you in your sadness and for them in this time also.

Linda B said...

Carol, I'm always thinking of the great mom you've been & the stories you've told all these years. I read that it's such a hard time, but those years will have cemented your relationship, and I know that the boys will be back, will realize what they're missing. Hugs to you after this hard week, and hugs for the next one too.

Becky Leff said...

This is a beautiful and powerful poem. I have felt this too, when my children have left home - there is so much left to remind me of them every day, yet there's a hole there too, because they aren't here.

Half Marathon Training said...

You write so beautifully. I love how the repetition really drives home your emotions and how desperately you miss them. Thanks for sharing!

Lee Ann Spillane said...

Oh you brought tears to my eyes this morning. Gone but everywhere... I love that repetition and all of the details in between. I have just a few more years with my son--bittersweet the growing up.