Wednesday, March 26, 2014


I am sitting in the DMV waiting for new license plates when my phone rings. It is Son #2. I text him, "I'm at the DMV, you ok?"

He texts back, "I want to go to GCC (the school where Son #1 goes).

I am not sure what to say. I text "?"

He texts, "They're sitting me."

I don't know what that means.

 He texts again, "Zay says I can play quarterback.."

I text back. "What do the coaches say?"

He doesn't respond. When I get done buying license plates, I call. He tells me the coaches are mad because he has been missing practice for his job. The job I told him to get. They have told him he cannot play spring ball. "All of the D-1 coaches will be there watching," he says. "And I won't be playing."

I don't know what to say. I feel like I am getting about half of the story and I wonder what is really going on. In the past, work ethic has been an issue and I wonder if that is what is going on now. I wonder what the appropriate parental response might be.

And then he says, "Well you are clearly not going to give me the support I need." And hangs up.

Son #1 texts me mid-morning. "If you write a check, I won't get it for a day, so you need to put my money in today."

I am rushing through my day. I do not have time to text back. I know I can't get to the bank until after it closes because of an after school meeting. I wonder if it is really true that they won't put the money in the bank until a day later.

I ignore him until after school when I notice that he has called three more times.

I call back. 

He answers the phone after about five rings. It sounds like he has been asleep. Our connection is bad and I have trouble hearing. He gets mad and tells me to hold the phone to my ear.

I tell him that I cannot put money into his account until the bank opens tomorrow morning.

He gets mad.

He hangs up.

I do not call back.

Instead I spend the evening wondering if he is ok. Wondering whether he has food. Wondering where all his money is going.

I do not know how to parent these two man boys.


Julieanne said...

Oh I have those same boys, and a 3rd a girl (don't ask.) I know what you mean. You are right to have #2 have a job. Who knows the real story. You're doing good, but I get the worry. My #2 is going to Mexico on his Spring break. OMG. I'm saying lots of prayers. Man-boys!

writekimwrite said...

It is true that I am not a parent but I have observed years of parents parenting so I say this with some authority! I do not think most parents are completely confident in their parenting. It is hard. The good parents do what you do which is manage the best they can. Your sons know you are there for them and they know you love them. I know this because they reach out to you time after time. Hang in there. Blessings.

elsie said...

Such unsettling encounters and they are so far away. Hang in there Carol, you are doing great. Man-boys are tough.

Linda B said...

They want you "here", but not "here"-always a dilemma, & the parent is left wondering. Hard enough to parent when they're with you, but from afar-argh! Hugs for finding out more today, Carol!

Chris said...

This is truly tricky! We want and need the whole story, and they want to get what they want. May both boys find some patience and accept what you can give (emotionally and financially). Sending strength!

Michelle said...

Prayers of lots of patience and some understanding!