Tuesday, February 2, 2016


So this parenting stuff?
I'm gonna admit it up front.
I just don't quite have the hang of it.
Last week, for example, I became a grandmother.
Actually, I officially became a grandmother on November 30, 2014.

But I didn't meet my granddaughter, Esveidy, until last weekend.

Maybe I should back up just a little.
In Spring, 2014, my son, who was 18, called from college in Arizona to tell me that his girlfriend, who I had never met, might be pregnant. We had, as I remember, one of those "typical" sounds like you just made your life a whole lot harder conversations.

And then a few weeks later, there was another conversation.
She wasn't pregnant.
There was a really confusing phone call from the girl, who I still hadn't met, that summer.
And then in November, there was a baby.
But my son's name was allegedly not on the birth certificate.
The mother didn't want anything to do with him.
And then this summer he was going to go down to Arizona.
But then he didn't.

And then in December, he asked if I would buy a plane ticket.
I did, as an early birthday present.
On Christmas Day, he flew down to meet his daughter.
This is the first picture I received.

He stayed two weeks, then came home. At one point, the plan had been that he would get a job and resume his education at Denver Community College, with hopes of attending another college that had a basketball team next fall. But then he decided he didn't want to do that. Instead, he wanted to go back to Arizona to be closer to his girlfriend and baby.

So last week we got the car tuned up. On Saturday morning, he and I got in the car, and drove the 13 hours to Phoenix. On Sunday, we went grocery shopping, then went back to the apartment, so I could meet C and Esveidy. And of course, I am totally smitten with the world's cutest little punkin, and ready to pick up and move down there immediately.

I have to admit, I'm more than a little worried. My son doesn't have any idea what he wants to be when he "grows up." He only has about a year of college. He doesn't have a job yet, has never done anything more significant than flipping burgers and making doughnuts.

And maybe more importantly, he's never had a dad. He doesn't know how dads are supposed to behave, not even the simple stuff like how to put the baby in the car seat, let alone how to support a daughter emotionally. And although he has had at least one long term girlfriend and lots of shorter ones, I'm not sure he knows much about relationships, at least not healthy ones. But he's trying.

And so a new chapter in life begins.


I sure wish there was a book I could read.


Linda B said...

Oh my goodness, Congratulations Carol. She, Esveidy, is beautiful, & of course she is, she's your granddaughter! I do understand about the worry, but sometimes a baby helps people grow into the person they are meant to be. As a grandmother I have to say there is no book, at least that I know of, but there are lots to read to her that tell her you love her. Exciting, glad so far things are good!

Stacey Shubitz said...

I wish I had advice to offer, but I've got nothing worthwhile. It's going to be an adventure for him, but he will find his way. He always does.

And you... I bet you're going to love being a grandmother. So glad you got to meet the little lady. She's adorable.

shogem said...

She is beautiful. He is so lucky to have someone in his life that is so supportive. I wish you and your son and your granddaughter many joyful years ahead,

Tara said...

As usual, Linda has said it all and said it best. She is a beautiful baby - and she deserves all the good things children do: love, security, and parents who love her. And grandmothers, too. said...

I can tell you are already an awesome grandmother, what blessing. I have no advice - but I'm so glad you met your grandbaby -- and maybe you'll be able to write the book! :0) "Slices of Grandparenting..."

Melanie Meehan said...

You have a beautiful granddaughter, and your son will figure it out because he has you to turn to. Esveidy is beautiful and could end up being the inspiration that your son needs to finish college--even without having a father, he could be a really good one. It's not a modeled thing--it's a practice of hard work. You will be a wonderful grandmother--you already are. said...

I became a grandmother when each of my children became parents last September. I didn't see it coming either even though my "kids" were quite a bit older. I don't have advice to share either as I too am just trying to figure it all out; however, I am sure that your absolutely precious granddaughter will need lots of books, lots of stories, and lots and lots of love.

elsie said...

A new chapter in the parenting manual begins. What a sweet baby! I know how hard it is to be far from a granddaughter. This could be the pivotal point in your son's life. He is taking responsibility. I'm jealous you are only 13 hours away, I have another day of driving to reach mine.

Carol Varsalona said...

Carol, another chapter has started for you in the book of life. Paste that beautiful little girl's photo in the introduction and see where the journey goes. You are open to the love and I see a whole lot of smiles on everyone's faces. Life is not predictable as we all know. I am hoping that your new little granddaughter will give you lots of inspiration to write poignant poems to her.