I'd get up early, grade papers for a couple of hours, then get in the car and head to Colorado Springs, about 90 minutes south of where I live, to spend time with my mom. I'd pick her up at McKenzie Place, the senior living complex where she lived, do a few household tasks like dusting or paying bills, then we would head out. My mom loved to shop, so most weeks, our adventures involved a trip to a mall or bookstore. Some weeks we went to the grocery store. Once in awhile, we went to the movies. We always went out to lunch. My mom had fish and chips more than half the time. I usually had a salad. We always shared a dessert. By then, she was ready to go home. Most weeks, she had an afternoon bridge game. If not, we'd go back to her apartment, and watch the Broncos or the Rockies. I'd head for home around three.
I'm not going to lie. I didn't always love making the drive to Colorado Springs. Sometimes I was really, really tired and just wanted to stay home. I wanted to not have to cram everything-- housework, bills, grocery shopping- into Saturday. I hated always having to say no when friends asked me to do something on Sundays. It was hard to fold and unfold the wheelchair and lift it in and out of the car multiple times every trip. But Sundays were about spending time with my mom and that's just the way it was.
My mom died on December 17th.
And now I'm trying to figure out a new normal.
So far, Sundays have been really hard for me. I miss hanging out with my mom. I miss our lunches and shared desserts. I missing telling her about school and the books I've been reading. I even miss shopping, which I have always hated.
I'm trying to figure out a new normal. Last weekend, I went to a special museum exhibit with a friend. Today I went to church for the first time since COVID, then went to In-n-Out Burger and grabbed some lunch. Sometimes I go to the grocery store. Usually, I take the dogs for a long walk. And I pretty much always have school work to do.
Even so, Sundays have been really hard.
I really miss my mom.
I miss spending Sundays with her.
6 comments:
My deepest condolences for the loss of your mother. You will always miss her, but I hope you will find your new normal that helps you get through it, soon. As my mother, (deceased 13 years), would say "You've got a lot of stars in your crown in Heaven", for the way you treated your mother. What a touching slice!
This is such a tough but well done slice. Hearing about the things you didn't love - the drive, the shopping - and then finding out and hearing about how your feelings towards the less-fun things has changed is really powerful. I'm sorry about your mom! And I'm glad that you're working to fill your Sundays in other fulfilling ways.
What a powerful piece of writing. I lost my dad last year and can relate to those conflicted feelings and the empty spaces left in my life. Sending you love and strength as you reconfigure your normal. Thanks so much for sharing.
This really is a powerful piece of writing, Carol. The love and connection you and your mother shared comes through so clearly. It can be so hard to find a new normal.
So much love and loss packed into this slice. I love that you shared how conflicted you sometimes were about your Sundays. And you made your way back to church. Hugs as you navigate through your Sundays without your mom.
Your love of your mom comes through in this post - so many shared memories. Hopefully Sundays will morph into days of remembering and time for yourself.
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