Take today for instance.
I am at the library, where I am trying to work on grading papers, which were supposed to have been done on Thursday, and which are nowhere close to being finished. My phone rings. It is Son #1. He started a new job this week and is supposed to be at work today. He doesn't usually call me. I wonder what is wrong.
"I have a warranty on my glasses, right?" I tell him that he does, but I think it expired in February. And I remind him that when we replaced his glasses last year, they told him that he would need an eye exam the next time.
"Don't you have a backup pair of glasses?" I ask. He tells me those are broken too.
"How badly are your glasses broken? Do they just need a new sidepiece, or are they too broken to repair?"
Both pair, according to him, are broken beyond repair.
"I want contacts. Can you help me?"
I sigh. I am really struggling with what parenting is supposed to look like at this age.
My son is 23. Has a serious diagnosed mental health issue. Has been hospitalized twice, for extended time periods, for this issue, in the last year.
He struggles to hold a job. Started a new job this week. Got his first paycheck.
And I am wondering, how much am I supposed to do for him? And how much is he supposed to do for himself?
And now he is asking me to buy glasses. After a lengthy discussion, I told him he needed to stop spending his money however he wants, e.g. on beer and marijuana (I live in Colorado) and video games, and start paying his own expenses. He needs to buy his own glasses.
And now I'm feeling really guilty. I don't know that he will go get glasses himself and he really needs them. He has to drive for his job. What if he has a car accident because he can't see? And if he has an accident at work, he will probably lose his job. And if he has an accident with his car, I will be responsible for it, and we will probably lose our insurance, because he has had several other accidents.
This is when I wish I was married. Had someone else to do tag team.
Because I am pretty much feeling like a complete and total mother failure right now.