A quiz on PARCC Thursday:
"Miss, I'm hungry."
A) Can I borrow some money?
B) I don't have lunch money and I haven't eaten today.
C) It's close to pay day and my parents don't have money, even 40 cents for reduced lunch, to give me.
"Miss, I need ice."
a) I have suffered a season-ending concussion and will be visiting the emergency room tonight, at which point I will tell my parent or guardian that I told the teacher on cafeteria duty I was hurt and she didn't do anything.
b) I hurt myself twenty minutes ago, when we first went outside. Now that it's time to go back to class, I think I should get it checked.
c) I left my (hot cheetos/gatorade/burrito) in my locker, and I really need to get out of the lunchroom and up the stairs to get it.
"Miss, can you go outside with me?"
a) My coat/hat/mother's diamond necklace that I borrowed but she doesn't know about is in the farthest reaches of the playground, approximately three city blocks from the lunchroom. I need an adult to go outside and get it with me.
b) I need boyfriend/girlfriend/family advice and don't want my friends to know I'm asking.
c) Oh wait, I actually left it in my locker, but I forgot because my executive function lobes are not fully developed.
Miss, look what I can do!
a) I spent three hours last night acquiring a new and wonderful skill- a Rubik's cute, flipping a water bottle, or wrapping one's leg around neighbor's neck- and now feel the need to share it.
b) I'm feeling totally invisible today. Please let me know that someone cares that I am alive.
c) I have some peculiar body-altering ability. As soon as I show you that I can do it, the other seven people at my table will also have to do it. And someone will probably fall off the bench and sustain minor injuries.
Miss, did you ever have a boyfriend?
a) Do you have a life outside of school?
b) All of the other teachers are married. I don't think you are, because you aren't a Mrs. I wonder why you aren't.
c) Do you think I will ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend/mate?
Miss, how old are you?
1) You are the most ancient person in this school. I want to know if you are older than my grandmother.
2) Do you remember when they had those, what are they called, oh yeah, typewriters, did you have those?
3) Your hair is gray, so you are definitely old. I'm wondering why you don't dye your hair.
"Miss, taste this."
Advice: Do not, under an circumstances, put it in your mouth. Said object will either be:
a) so hot that tears will come out of your eyes the second said object hits your taste buds
b) something that makes you consider throwing up on the school cafeteria floor
c) have previously been somewhere weird, like someone's coat pocket or the floor by the furnace room. If an adult is stupid enough to put it in his/her mouth, everyone will spontaneously roll on the floor in hysterical laughter.This concludes the final section of the LUNCH DUTY PARCC. Please check your answers, then sign out.