SLICE OF LIFE

Tomorrow night my guys come home.

I can't wait to head to the airport

Can't wait to see

those gorgeous guys

And give them great big hugs.

And yet I must confess 

a little trepidation. 

Holidays

for my guys

are sometimes

really hard. 

I am remembering

 our first Thanksgiving.

I dressed my sons in matching sweaters.

We went to my mom's house

Took pictures

of our six month old family.

Watched parades

Played board games

ate turkey and pumpkin pie

My sons entertained everyone

by singing a shark song

they had learned at daycare.

We seemed so ordinary.

I wish I had known

that my boys expected

deep fried turkey

sweet potato pie

cornbread and honey

and I gave them 

roasted turkey

pumpkin pie

and crescent rolls

maybe I am glad 

I did not understand

the complexity 

of fitting together

two very different families

Maybe bigger

I wish I had understood

that holidays

for kids who have never had holidays

Can be really, really hard.

I wish I had understood

that some kids remember

drunken brawls

unfilled promises

fear and sadness

those kids, my kids,

 grieve for a family 

that never 

really

 was.

And so tonight

I can't wait to see my guys

And yet I steel myself

because I know 

holidays

for my guys

are sometimes

really hard.