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Monday, March 26, 2018

SLICE #26- In which I constantly have a sore tongue

The hardest part of being the parent of a young adult is that my tongue is sore all of the time.

That's because I am constantly biting it.

Take yesterday, for instance.

Son #1 has an ongoing medical condition.

He has to have a shot once every three months. If he doesn't have the shot, he ends up being hospitalized for an extended period of time.

On Friday, he went to get his shot. And they refused to give it to him. They said his Medicaid had lapsed.

He didn't know that it had lapsed. I didn't see any mail from Medicaid, so I didn't know either.

The situation has caused me to be pretty stressed this weekend. He doesn't like taking shots, and doesn't understand that the fact he doesn't have symptoms while he is medicated, is related directly to the medication. The fact is, that he has to have the shot and he has to have it really soon, otherwise, symptoms will start appearing.

Last night, I asked him about it.

"Do you need any help with the insurance stuff?"

"Nah, I got it. Well, maybe," he responded. "What time does that place open?"

I look it up on the internet. "It's open from 8-5. Are you going to go tomorrow?"

"Nah, I gotta talk to my boss, and see when I can go in late." Immediately, I go into worry mode, remembering that he just went in late on Friday, because that is the day he was supposed to have the shot. Maybe his boss will be unhappy that he is asking for time off again.

"Can you call Medicaid and straighten it out?" I ask.

"Nah, they will just leave me on the phone forever. My boss doesn't like us being on the phone," he says.

I swallow hard, and try to shake free of all of the worrying What if he loses his job? What if he can't straighten out his Medicaid? What if he doesn't get the shot? What if he ends up in the hospital again?

I bite down hard on my tongue. "OK, let me know if there is anything that I can do to help," I say, trying to keep my voice light and even.

Today it happened again. Son #2 is applying for a job delivering sandwiches. He has an interview at 3:00 today. I probably would not have even known, except he needed quarters for parking. Which I didn't have, and had to make a run to the store to get.

I have a million questions about this job. First and most importantly, I wonder why he, as a 22-year-old man, is looking for a job delivering sandwiches. It feels like he should be looking for something more permanent. But at least he would be working, which is better than what he is doing now.

My other questions have to do with this particular job. It's downtown. I know he wouldn't be excited about riding the bus, and I wonder whether he would have to pay for parking every day. Parking is at least $15 a day downtown, and I wonder whether the amount he would be making would justify taking the job. I wonder how much he would make.

And again, I bite my tongue, because he's a young adult and can make his own decisions.

My tongue is sore all of the time. I guess that's part of parenting a young adult, but it's really, really hard.

8 comments:

Gina Buettner said...

Adulthood never seems to get easier. My tongue is pretty sore too.

Julie Johnson said...

Amen! I learned quickly from my oldest (who is now 29), the importance of biting my tongue. The younger two have benefitted from their big sister. And now that we are parenting a middle schooler again, I am relearning the art of keeping quiet (when I can) and letting her learn lessons on her own. I used to think when my children were young that parenting would be so much easier when they grew up. Nope...I think it might be harder. Good luck to you and your boys! Hope all turns out well.

Chris said...

Your slice helps me understand that I need to start biting my tongue soon or my nearly 20-year-old will continue to rely on me. Gosh, parenting young adults is NO FUN!

Maybe some ice cream would help your sore tongue? :) Hang in there!

Elisabeth Ellington said...

I loved these lines because I swear this is my life: "I bite down hard on my tongue. "OK, let me know if there is anything that I can do to help," I say, trying to keep my voice light and even." I also like Chris's idea for ice cream! It seems only fair!

Stacey Taylor said...

Your post has me reflecting on my parenting of my very young kids and how my parents raised me. My mom was an expert tongue biter. I need to start practicing now!

elsie said...

It is so hard, but necessary. I feel your pain.

Rebecca Gomez said...

I hear you! I think having adult children is often much more challenging than having little ones or teens!

Michelle said...

Yikes. It is hard to do ... but your immense patience is so good. Have you heard of Bob Goff? He is an amazing speaker and author. He spoke at my church this last weekend ... and he is so funny, but speaks about keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus and being immensely patient. If you need a little laugh ... watch this: https://willowcreek.tv/sermons/south-barrington/2018/03/be-immensely-patient/#top