SLICE OF LIFE

This parenting thing.
It's really, really, really, really hard right now.

I'm listening to an audiobook,  HOW CHILDREN SUCCEED.
The author studied kids who were successful versus those who were not.
And he found out that what really made kids successful was not their intelligence,
not their ACT or IQ scores,
but rather their willingness to work hard,
and persevere,
and not quit.
That grit thing that people have been talking about so much lately.
And he talks about executive function and self-regulation.
And about how kids need to fail,
because failure is where we actually learn the most.
And about how those failures translate to later successes.
And it all makes perfect sense when I listen to the tape.

But I have this twenty-one-year-old.
And he called me from Las Vegas on Saturday afternoon. 
He and his friend had parted ways.
He wanted to know if I would buy him a bus ticket home.
And so I did. 
And he rode 20 hours from Las Vegas to Denver.
And then walked five miles home in ninety degree weather because he was mad at me.
And his car is totaled. 
And he really needs to get a job. 
But his identification and social security card are in California. 
And you really need those items to get a job. 
So today I took him to my bank 
because he doesn't have a bank account any more 
because it's closed until he pays $63 in overdraft fees
and he needed a notary because the police department in California
won't release his wallet without a notarized letter.
And he can't get a job without those things. 
And he has spent most of the last three days 
in his bedroom with the door shut.
Although he did come out and help me bring in groceries,
then put them away by himself this afternoon,
just like he used to do.  

He doesn't have a clue what he wants to do.
Football has been the organizing structure for his life
for the past ten years and now he doesn't have that.
And he's totally lost.

And I'm trying to be tough.
And not enable him to keep making stupid mistakes.
I'm not buying a new car. 
Or a new i-phone.
Or paying the overdraft on his checking account.
Or a speeding ticket that's due on July 6. 
Or allowing him to live here indefinitely
without a job.
And at the same time I want him to know
that I really do still love him.
And want good things for him. 
And am willing to support him and study with him
and do whatever it takes to help him get back on track.

You see, there is this other book
I've also read and reread this week.
I  WISH YOU MORE
by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld.
Do you know that book?
The whole premise is pretty much the wishes
we have for the people we love.
It makes me cry every time I read it.

"I wish you more ups than downs.
I wish you more tippy-toe than deep…
I wish you more will than hill…
I wish you more pause than fast forward…
I wish you more treasures than pockets…"

Tom Lichtenheld's illustrations are absolutely perfect.
And I am going to be giving it as a baby gift
and graduation present
and just because present
for about the next hundred years.
Because it is just so, so, so perfect.

And it really is how I feel about my guys.
And it's so, so, so hard
to watch them make stupid mistakes
and fail so miserably
again and again and again.

It's really, really, really, really hard right now.
This parenting thing.