Pages

Sunday, March 24, 2013

SLICE #24- ANOTHER MISSED PARENTING CHAPTER


So I think I missed this parenting chapter too.

The one about where the son dates a girl.
For quite a long time.
Steadily for sixteen months.
Then off and on
for the next two years.

And she's darling.
Smart.
Spiritually minded. 
Fun.
Kind.
Motivated.
Mature.
Caring.
Level-headed.
And cute as a bug besides.

She is strong enough
to be unimpressed
by his high school quarterback persona
strong enough
to ignore the throng
of adoring fans (mostly girls)
strong enough
to tell him
on a fairly regular basis
when he's being a jerk

She is not strong enough
to be unmarked
when
fears from his past
cause him
to be unkind and
push her away

Eventually
they break up.

But I have been
sort of
another mother
Helped her navigate rough waters
with her own family
have become
friends
And so I continue
to follow her life
through social networking
attend a volleyball game
admire her prom pictures
send a graduation present
sneak out for coffee
once in a while

Then my son
tells me
she is home for spring break
they might get together
I try to stay noncommital
but secretly
I wish
my son would
be one of those guys
who married his high school sweetheart.

19 comments:

Tara @ A Teaching Life said...

Oh....I know exactly what you mean! She does sound lovely, Carol....and it does help to like the people our children choose to live their lives out with....right?!!!

Mrs. Heinisch said...

I learned through my brother-in-law to stay friendly and never like someone he is dating so much that when they break-up I am the one devastated. Hopefully, that will remain as my boys start dating someone seriously.

Carol said...

I am usually friendly, but pretty noncomittal with the girls my sons bring home. I have been surprised at how much I miss this one!

Anita Ferreri said...

I cannot NOT comment on this post! There have been some I have loved...and some... I just hoped they were not the ones....but I also realize that I only know one side of the story!

Chris Margocs said...

I love this story, and the way you tell it in short sentences, getting right to the point. Fingers crossed...

Beverley Baird said...

It is a challenge when our children make choices we don't approve of. When my daughter finally broke up with her last boyfriend and I told her it was for the best - she wanted to know why I hadn't told her sooner. As if she would, have listened.
Hopefully your son will realize that she is the one - the one who will bring out the best in him and give him love and joy.

Amanda said...

As a mother of a kindergartner, this entire phase seems so far away, and yet I'm sure that I too will be altogether up and down with his girlfriends.

I love the sense of relationship you create - between you, your son, the girl, and them. Thanks for sharing today! :)

b said...

Carol, this slice is a really thought-provoking one. You painted such beautiful pictures by including only important words. Please update us after they 'maybe get together over spring break' :). There are plenty of couples I know who were high school sweethearts... Good luck!
b

b said...

I loved the thoughtfulness of this slice! It involved me in your neutrality campaign, but also gave me a nudge of impartiality...for this girl. My parents were high school sweethearts. Maybe your son and this girl will be telling some of the same stories in 40 years :).

Linda at teacherdance said...

It's such a catch to know how enthusiastic to be, or not. I've been through a bunch & now both my children are happily married to very, very great people (thank goodness), but there were a few relationships that I could have done without, & there's so little one can do. I am hopeful for you Carol. Perhaps even if the relationship doesn't work, you can just remain friends. It sounds as if she is grateful for you, too!

Cathy said...

Carol,
Wouldn't it be nice if we could just pick the spouses for our children? OK, maybe it wouldn't be best, but I think we probably could do a pretty good job. I enjoyed your poem. Who knows? Maybe your son will be one of those people who marries his high school sweetheart.

I enjoy your poems and hope you will be spending April writing a poem every day!

Cathy

Shannon Mashinchi said...

Watching your children through heartbreak and tough waters can be wrenching on the parental heart...I, too, have a secret parental wish...we'll see...maybe we will both be celebrating that young love won after all!

Shannon Mashinchi said...

I am not sure why my comment didn't show up...sad...

elsie said...

You must show cursory interest, because too much interest always sends them running in the other direction. I hope it works out the way you want.

Nanc said...

so sweet...my son had a girl like that and then he did a bonehead move...to this day I miss her also, I always hope, however... this summer when I come out to Denver, I hope we can have coffee and go to Tattered Cover !

Carol said...

Shannon-
I have comment moderation turned on because I get lots of weird spam. Comments get saved, then I approve them, then they show up.

Mommy Reads said...

So this is what my future looks like. Loved this, felt what you feel even though my son is in preschool! Sharing this with my friends...thank you!

Looking for the Write Words said...

Carol,

I could totally feel where you were going with this and loved the way you told the story. It's tough being attached and having to say goodbye to this person who becomes a part of your family in many ways. I have hoped that my brother's girlfriend became my sister in law...still not sure...time will tell. ~ Theresa

Ruth Ayres said...

What a girl...

I know a year of college made me strong enough to understand the "fears of a past." Perhaps it will for her too.

Would love to know more about this story.
Ruth