A NEW ME

 I'm trying to figure out a new me.

The new me

doesn't have to worry about

those breathless I have a late meeting at work

but it's also parent teacher conferences at school

and then there's basketball practice 

and darn it I forgot to get something out of the freezer

how many nights can I justify

feeding my kids fish sticks

or frozen lasagna

kind of days.

The new me

Doesn't drag home 

a bulging teacher bag 

knowing that the first thing on the agenda 

is 25 algebra problems

with a non-algebraic son 

and supervising/assisting/ok sometimes actually building

the diorama of a museum exhibit of a

famous African American poet

who my seventeen-year-old

could care less about

but the project is due in two days

and it's 80% of the English grade for this semester. 

The new me

doesn't have to keep track of practice schedules

driving in circles between home and gyms and fields 

like one of those little cars on a track

at the amusement park
doesn't have to sell
candy bars, coffee cakes,
or raffle tickets

and doesn't spend hours in gyms 

dodging bouncing balls

and engaging in small talk 

while wishing I could just go sit in a corner

with the book that is calling my name.

The new me

doesn't serve on parent boards 

instead of dating

doesn't plan family vacations 

around basketball tournaments

has time to take a Spanish class

or work out at a rec center

or foster dogs 

for the rescue league. 

I'm trying to figure out this new me.

But it's hard

because

I m not quite ready
to let go
of the life
that old me
has loved.