FOLLOWING EZRA by Tom Fields-Meyer

It's December 20th, the second day of midwinter break. I had anticipated that I would be devouring children's books, reading a book a day, trying to get some of the Newbery prospects under my belt before the announcement in January. Instead, my reading journey has taken a sidetrack. I'm reading a memoir, FOLLOWING EZRA: WHAT ONE FATHER LEARNED ABOUT GUMBY, OTTERS, AUTISM, AND LOVE FROM HIS EXTRAORDINARY SON.

Tom Fields-Meyer, former PEOPLE magazine journalist, and his wife, Shawn, a rabbi, have three sons. Their middle son, Ezra, now about 15, has autism (I'm never quite sure if I am wording this correctly, so my apologies if I'm not). Ezra loves the zoo, dogs, and all things Disney/Pixar. He memorizes dates and addresses and and birthdays and uses those as his avenue to connect with people. This book chronicles Fields-Meyer's journey, not to grieve the son that he might have had, but rather to understand, appreciate, and love the son that he has.

One scene beautifully captures my most important learning from this book. Ezra is starting at a new preschool, and Dawn, his new teacher, has come to the house to meet him. Shawn and Tom are attempting to explain that Ezra rarely responds when people address him. Dawn's comments absolutely blow me away…

"Some teachers figure, 'Well, you speak Japanese and I speak English, so there's no way we can ever communicate. But I want to learn Japanese. I want to learn to speak Ezra's language and communicate with Ezra, so he'll let me into his world. That's what this is all about…."

FOLLOWING EZRA is teaching me, on a whole bunch of different levels, to speak Japanese. First, I'm reading it as a friend. A very close friend of mine has a son who has autism and they have travelled a long, bumpy, exhausting road. I never quite know what to say, or how to best support her and her family, especially given that they live 1,500 miles away. And so, as I read FOLLOWING EZRA, I'm thinking about my friend, and thinking about how I can better walk beside her, and learn to speak Japanese …

Second, I'm reading it as a teacher. I bet every one of us can think of kids that we teach that may or may not be autistic, but that don't quite "fit the mold" we are supposed to shove them into. I think of a little boy I know that chews on his clothes incessantly. The necklines and sleeves of his shirts and jackets are always wet and hole-y. After weeks, ok, maybe even months, of trying to get him to stop, talking to his mom, planning secret signals, etc. I finally had an epiphany. "If he wants to put something in his mouth, just give him something to put in his mouth." And now I keep gum in my desk drawer, and he doesn't chew his clothes, and I wonder why I spent three months trying to fix something, when all I really needed to do was learn to speak a little Japanese…

And finally, I'm reading it as a parent. Without disclosing any details that would embarrass my offspring, well, let's just say it's really hard to be a parent. It's especially hard when you feel like every one else has kids that are polite, well-behaved, respectful, smart, organized, orderly, artistic, athletic, musical, etc., etc., etc. And your own are, well, ummm, not any of those things, or at least there seem to be a lot more items on the deficit than on the assets list. And you feel badly that your kids don't fit the mold that everyone else's kids fit so neatly. And so instead of learning to speak Japanese, you try to cram English down their throats. And even then, they don't speak English better, instead, they feel bad, and you feel bad, and everyone is hurt and mad and frustrated. When what you probably really need to do is just relax and love them and learn to speak a little Japanese…

FOLLOWING EZRA is a great read. Especially for a friend, teacher, or parent that really needs to learn Japanese.